Hello, readers. You may have already established, from either knowing
me or reading the previous material on this very blog, that I am
slightly unhinged. You may also realise, that I have what some may call
an 'unhealthy' obsession with eyebrows. UNHEALTHY?! I say it's SUPERB. I
believe in transforming eyebrows from 'Why-Brows?!' to 'HI-BROWS!'
because they will look so good that you'll want to say 'HI' to them.
The reason I focus on Kristen Stewart, and I have done before (see prev post),
is that I see a beauty potential that has not yet been fulfilled. And
her eyebrows drive me insane. They are uneven, askewed, too thick at the
start and too thin at the end and they start too low and end too high
and they're too far apart from eachother. Like lost, underfed
caterpillar friends trying their very best to return to their rightful
place.
SO. Brace yourselves. Using photo-manipulation on my very best
friend, my laptop, I have digitally altered Kristen Stewart's eyebrows
in my bid to show the world HOW important they are, and what a
difference they can make. Before I show you the Before and After shots, I
must mention that THE OUTCOMES ARE NOT IDEAL. I AM SHIT AT TECHNOLOGY
THEREFORE THE EYEBROW COLOURING MAY BE STRANGE AND ORANGEY, AND IN REAL
LIFE THIS WOULD LOOK SO MUCH BETTER.
Let's begin. (The captions below each photo are How I'd imagine the
conversation between me and K-Wart to go. I'd feel embarrassed about how
far I'm going with this BUT I'M NOT.)
 |
| K-stew: "What's that, Raghad? You're going to make my eyebrows look better? Well that sounds like a lot of pish posh"... |
 |
| K: "OH.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'm starting to look more like an actress with
money to spare that frequents a beauty salon. Not bad, Raggy B, but I'd
like to see more" |
 |
| R: "You see here, Kristen, your eyebrows are far too thin and pale." K: "Okay" |
 |
| R: "Now your eyebrows make up for the fact that you didn't wash your hair". K: "Wowzers, that's so fucking true. You're the best, Raghad." |
 |
| R:
"Preferably, Stewy, I would've liked your eyebrows to be a little
lighter and less orange, but my limited editing skills did not allow me
to avoid these annoyances." K: "Don't worry, Reggie, I still look 10 times better than I ever have done in my entire fucking career." R: "Cheers, Krist. I agree." |
 |
| K:
"Ahh, Rag-Meister, here I already look shit hot. I'm not convinced that
you could make me look significantly better just by changing my
eyebrows" |
 |
| R: "BITCH YOU THOUGHT WRONG!" |
 |
| K: "I'm impressed. Let's see what you can do with this complete disaster of a photograph." |
 |
| R:
"Ta-frickin-daaa! Next time we meet, I'm going to give you another
lesson on how to put make-up on like a real big girl, and we're going to
fire your hairdresser, who is clearly still a trainee and addicted to
cocaine." K: "THANKS A BUNCH" |
 |
| K: "I'm
so happy with all that you've taught me, as you can see with the
endearingly awkward smile on my face. Let's have just one more
tranform-eyebrow". R: "Yes, Kristen, let's. I also appreciate your excellent new play-on word" |
 |
| R+K in unison: "HOLY SHIZNIT WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. Worrah babe. 3 cheers for Raghad Bezizi, the greatest of them all". |
Yes, that is all. I hope you found it exciting. I will admit that I
spent a preposterous amount of time on this, and found every single
moment of it THRILLING. Judge me all you like, call me sad and lonely,
obsessive and sexually frightening. BUT I WILL BE THE ONE WHO LAUGHS
LAST, AND WHO LAUGHS THE LOUDEST, for it will be ME that you shall SEE
on the TEE VEE. "Eyebrow stylist to the STARS" is what they will call
me, and I'll be filthy rich.
Loyal readers, my challenge for you all is to expose this blogpost to
Kristen Stewart so that one day, my fake eyebrow conversation with her
will come true, and we can work together in making Kristen Stewart
HOTTER THAN EVER!!
HURRAH HURRAHHHHHHH.
